Alone

I was at Trader Joe's looking for a particular gluten-free bread that I like.  My mind imagined a lover finding it for me and thinking to herself, Brenden loves this kind of bread, and handing it to me with absolute compassion.  Warmth burned in my chest for an instant at this vision and then followed by the thought that you don't have this.  The warmth was immediately replaced with a cold sinking loneliness.  I imagined her more fully and the sinking feeling rose and then fell again at the thought that it wasn't real.

I found the bread that I like and took it off the shelf.  I suddenly realized that I was giving it to myself and warmth again, accompanied with the thought, "Here you go Brenden, I love you." I stood there unable to move and overcome with emotion as I realized that she's right here.  She never left me.  She is me.  With that thought I looked at the people around me and again I was overcome with emotion as I realized how much I loved every person around me.  I could see them and look at them without fear and for that moment, I was not alone.